Shelf Life #5

Photo by LAUREN GRAY on Unsplash

Shelf Life is a personal meme to help me in my ongoing attempt to declutter my bookshelves.

However it's more than a Marie Condo of my books.

It's aim is to reflect, honour and let go as many books as possible.

Most likely, in the next 12 months or so, Mr Books and I will be on the move. The thought of packing up everything we own again, gives me the horrors.

Therefore as time permits, I will reassess the many, many READ books stacked on my bookshelves. (The unread TBR pile is another story all together!)

The aim of Shelf Life is to let go those books that I know I will never read again and to give them a proper send off.

My assessment criteria includes:

• Does this book spark joy?
• Honestly, will I ever reread this book?
• How and why did this book come to be on my bookshelf anyway?
• When and where did I read this book?
• What are my memories of this book?
• Is this book part of a series, a signed copy or a special edition?
• Do I want to pack and unpack this book one more time? Or several more times, during what's left of my lifetime?
• If I were to let this book go, would I feel regret, remorse or relief?

My latest Shelf Life choices look a little like this:

• The Dark Room | Rachel Seiffert
• Purchased on the 23rd March 2002 in Mudgee
• Seiffert has a German mother and an Australian father, but now lives in London.
• This was her first novel in 2001.
• I bought this book because of it's Holocaust themes, especially the guilt felt by subsequent generations and responsibility of individuals.
• It was shortlisted for the 2001 Booker Prize.
• I remember almost nothing about this book and feel no need to reread it,
• Perhaps I am finally over my over my Holocaust obsession?

• Tinkers | Paul Harding
• Purchased on the 10th August 2010 in Sydney
• Winner of the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction
• This was Harding's debut novel
• A follow up novel, Enon, was published in 2013.
• A wonderful, delicate story about time, memory, suffering and the small stuff that makes up our daily lives. 
• The writing was gorgeous, full of memorable word pictures that have stayed with more nine years.
• I loved the reading experience I had with this book, but I do not need to reread this. 

• Miss Smilla's Feeling For Snow | Peter Høeg
• A secondhand bookshop purchased prior to my first skiing holiday in 2006.
• Published in Denmark in 1992 as Frøken Smillas Fornemmelse for Sne.
• Translated from the Danish by F. David in 1993.
• A book that begins with a map (Copenhagen) is already on the way to becoming a favourite.
• I loved reading a book set in the snow, in the snow.
• The book was very different to the movie.
• I preferred the book, but once was enough.

Have you read any of these books? 

Should they stay or should they go?

Shelf Life #1
Shelf Life #2

Shelf Life #3

Shelf Life #4

Shelf Life #5

Shelf Life #4

Photo by LAUREN GRAY on Unsplash

Shelf Life is a new personal meme to help me in my ongoing attempt to declutter my bookshelves.

It's more than a Marie Condo of my books though.

It's aim is to reflect, honour and let go as many books as possible.

Most likely, in the next 12 months or so, Mr Books and I will be on the move. The thought of packing up everything we own again, gives me the horrors.

Therefore as time permits, I will reassess the many, many READ books stacked on my bookshelves. (The unread TBR pile is another story all together!)

The aim of Shelf Life is to let go those books that I know I will never read again and to give them a proper send off.

My assessment criteria includes:

• Does this book spark joy?
• Honestly, will I ever reread this book?
• How and why did this book come to be on my bookshelf anyway?
• When and where did I read this book?
• What are my memories of this book?
• Is this book part of a series, a signed copy or a special edition?
• Do I want to pack and unpack this book one more time? Or several more times, during what's left of my lifetime?
• If I were to let this book go, would I feel regret, remorse or relief?

My latest Shelf Life choices look a little like this:

1. The End of the Affair | Graham Greene

• Entered my life on the 23rd March 2002 after watching the 1999 movie of The End of the Affair starring Ralph Fiennes and Julianne Moore.
• Epitaph: Leon Bloy | Man has places in his heart which do not yet exist, and into them enters suffering that they may have existence.
• I was fascinated by Greene for a short period of time for his Catholicism. 
• I grew up in a non-practising Protestant family. 
• Catholicism was somehow frowned upon by the older members of my family. It was viewed as mysterious, foreign and somehow over the top and showy in practice.
• A number of the friends I made during my twenties grew up in the Catholic faith. They had abandoned it as adults, yet it was obvious to me that there were certain hangovers (guilt) that they found hard to shake.
• I was curious.
• Greene did not become a Catholic until he was 22 yrs of age, so he could marry Vivien Dayrell-Browning.
• He attempted suicide a number of times and had bi-polar disorder.
• I finished the book still bemused by the ritual and ceremony of Catholicism. 
• It seemed that Catholicism was an intellectual pursuit for Greene rather than a belief.

2. The Quiet American | Graham Greene

• Entered my library on the 22 March 2003 after seeing the movie with Michael Caine and Brendan Fraser.
• I studied the Vietnam war in high school.
• Reread it in 2015 when Mr Books and I spent two weeks travelling around Vietnam, where, of course, they call that period of history the American war.
• The Quiet American was not as Catholic as his earlier book, but still full of moral ambiguity, idealism and intrigue.
• I do not need to reread this again. Twice was more than enough for me and a book about a war.

3. A Maigret Christmas and Other Stories | Georges Simenon

• A 2018 Christmas read at the beach which I found hard to engage with completely as the cold, snowy French setting was too far removed from the sunny, 30 plus degrees outside.
• A rather melancholy read; filled in some Maigret gaps but not worth repeating.

4. Roman Fever and Other Stories | Edith Wharton

• Discovered in Gertrude and Alice, a second hand bookshop & cafe in Bondi on the 24th May 2014, back when I used to host a Wharton Reading Month on my blog.
• If you're wondering why I stopped (besides running out of steam), it was these short stories.
• When I finished this book, I had basically read everything that Wharton had written.
• I particularly enjoyed Xingu.
• But I also realised that I preferred Wharton's novels to her short stories (and her non-fiction).

5. Convenience Store Woman | Sayaka Murata

• A book group read from last year.
• Thoroughly entertaining, especially after visiting Japan in 2018, but I will not be rereading this.
• I will, however return to Japan one day to spend more time in their convenience stores!

6. A Tale of Two Cities | Charles Dickens

• I'm not sure how I ended up with two copies of this book, but I'm going to keep the Random Vintage paperback copy I also have as it matches my other Dickens' novels.
• This edition is a plastic covered hardcover, which makes me think I picked it up second hand in a library sale or bookshop.
• First read during my uni years, 30 yrs ago. 
• It sparked off the first of my French Revolution reading jags and my love of Dickens.
• I'd LOVE to reread this one day. 
• I just hope I live long enough to fit in all the books I want to read, plus the rereads!

I don't feel compelled to keep any of these books for future references, unless you can convince me otherwise. The shelf space is more important than the meagre reading memories tied up with these six books.

Shelf Life #1
Shelf Life #2

Shelf Life #3

Shelf Life #4

Shelf Life #3

Photo by LAUREN GRAY on Unsplash

Shelf Life is a new personal meme to help me in my ongoing attempt to declutter my bookshelves.

It's more than a Marie Condo of my books though.

It's aim is to reflect, honour and let go of as many books as possible.

Most likely, in the next 12 months or so, Mr Books and I will be on the move. The thought of packing up everything we own again, gives me the horrors.

Therefore as time permits, I will reassess the many, many READ books stacked on my bookshelves. (The unread TBR pile is another story all together!)

The aim of Shelf Life is to let go those books that I have loved, but know I will never read again and give them a proper send off.

My assessment criteria includes:

• Does this book spark joy?
• Honestly, will I ever reread this book?
• How and why did this book come to be on my bookshelf anyway?
• When and where did I read this book?
• What are my memories of this book?
• Is this book part of a series, a signed copy or a special edition?
• Do I want to pack and unpack this book one more time? Or several more times, during what's left of my lifetime?
• If I were to let this book go, would I feel regret, remorse or relief?

The Winter Vault | Anne Michaels

• Inscribed 2nd Feb 2010.
• I adored Fugitive Pieces, Michaels' 1997 award winning debut book, so I was curious to see what she could do as a follow up.
• Fugitive Pieces flowed like poetry, but The Winter Vault was much harder. 
• The research showed and I could see the writer at work.
• Despite a number of connections - the name Avery, the setting of Aswan Dam, art, architecture and history - I never really fully engaged with the story.
• Fugitive Pieces will be staying with me, but The Winter Vault can now find a new home.

The Beginner's Goodbye | Anne Tyler

• An ARC from April 2012, not inscribed.
• A heartbreakingly good story about learning to say goodbye to someone you love.
• A ghost story of sorts, that reduced me to tears at my local swimming pool, as I lay on my towel in the sun, drying off after doing laps.
• Trying not to imagine the pain I would feel if Mr Books should die first.
• A memorable read, but not a keeper.

Crossing to Safety | Wallace Stegner

• Inscribed Aug 2012.
• Came into my life thanks to the First Book Tuesday Book Club episode for this book, where all the presenters RAVED about it.
• I was impressed too, so much so, that I ordered in a copy of his Pulitzer prize winning book Angle of Repose to read too.
• At the time, Crossing to Safety was my favourite and I planned to give my copy of Angle of Repose away.
• Yet when it came time to let it go, I couldn't. I still can't. Mary Foote's story haunts me to this day.
• However I am now ready for Crossing to Safety to go to a new home.
• I feel no need to revisit the lives of these two couples.

The Magnificent Ambersons | Booth Tarkington

• Inscribed 4th Nov 2011.
• Read for the very first Classic Club spin in 2013.
• A wonderful story, atmospheric, full of human drama.
• I loved researching this book for my post.
• I'm still waiting to read another book by Tarkington or to see a movie version of the book!
• But I don't feel the need to ever reread it.

Possessing the Secret of Joy | Alice Walker

• Inscribed 10th Oct 1997, Sydney
• I had never heard of Alice Walker until I saw the movie of The Color Purple on TV in 1990.
• It sucked me in and spat me out a blubbering mess.
• Naturally I had to read the book not long afterwards.
• I was a blubbering mess by the end of the book too!
• Possessing the Secret of Joy didn't have the same impact.
• It can go out into the world to find new readers.

The Reader | Bernhard Schlink

• 24th Aug 1998.
• Translated by Carol Brown Janeway.
• I remember being disturbed and moved by this story about memory, truth and atonement.
• It brings up grey, bleak, torturous feelings.
• It was one of the first books I read about the effects of WWII on the next generation of Germans, as they came to terms with what their parents and grandparents did and knew during the war.
• I couldn't make myself watch the movie though and I've never tried to read any of Schlink's other books.
• Once was enough.

Did you read any of these books?
What memories do they bring up for you?

Shelf Life #1
Shelf Life #2

Shelf Life #3

Shelf Life #2

Photo by LAUREN GRAY on Unsplash

Shelf Life is a new personal meme to help me in my ongoing attempt to de-clutter my bookshelves.

It's more than a Marie Condo of my books though.

It's aim is to reflect, honour and let go as many books as possible.

Most likely, in the next 12 months or so, Mr Books and I will be on the move. The thought of packing up everything we own again, gives me the horrors.

Therefore as time permits, I will reassess the many, many READ books stacked on my bookshelves.
(The unread TBR pile is another story all together!)

The aim of Shelf Life is to let go those books that I know I will never read again and to give them a proper send off.

My assessment criteria includes:

• Does this book spark joy?
• Honestly, will I ever reread this book?
• How and why did this book come to be on my bookshelf anyway?
• When and where did I read this book?
• What are my memories of this book?
• Is this book part of a series, a signed copy or a special edition?
• Do I want to pack and unpack this book one more time? Or several more times, during what's left of my lifetime?
• If I were to let this book go, would I feel regret, remorse or relief?

The first shelf life started with a stack of Australian authors. This week, I've ducked down to the next shelf to let go (or not) some of my UK authors.

Saturday | Ian McEwan

• My current relationship with McEwan is best described as complicated.
• But back on the 9th Nov 2005, when I bought my copy of Saturday, our relationship was still more hopeful than not. Full of promise and anticipation.
• Saturday was the book that changed this.
• Except for the truly threatening, disturbing scene with the daughter during the home invasion scene, I remember nothing at all about this book.
• It felt self-indulgent.
• Curiously, my most recent read, Middle England by Jonathan Coe, mentioned Saturday in passing.
• The only reason this book has travelled me with for 15 yrs, through three moves, is for the simple fact, that my hardback edition has deckled edges.
• I LOVE deckled edges.
• No more! Saturday and it's lovely deckled edges, will not get packed up and unpacked for a fourth time.

Where Angels Fear to Tread | E. M. Forster

• Entered my life on the 25th October 1992.
• This was in the middle of my E. M. Forster phase.
• My E. M. Forster phase began in 1987 when I watched A Room With a View for the first (of many) times.
• Over the course of the next 7 or 8 years, I read (and watched) all of his novels, except for The Longest Journey, I believe.
• WAFTT was my least favourite.
• No need to revisit this one.

Lady Chatterley's Lover | D. H. Lawrence

• Okay, I may not be able to part with this one after all.
• On the title page, I have inscribed my name, the date, 11th April 1991, and place of purchase - The Book Inn, Charing Cross Rd, London.
• I was badly scarred from reading Sons and Lovers at school. One of the few school texts that I hated with a passion.
• But in 1991, I was 23 and just starting out on my year of working and travelling around the UK and Europe, as young Aussies are wont to do at that age. 
• Lawrence's 'naughty' book, complete with erotic cover obviously appealed to my emerging adult self.
• In 2011 or 12, we saw an en plein air performance of LCL at Rippon Lea House in Melbourne. Full frontal nudity and 'implied' sex scenes were a feature of this particular production. Instead of being sexy, it felt rather awkward.
• It made me realise how immature this story really is.
• I may never read it again, but it's one of the few London books I have. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to buy a copy of Middlemarch instead, or A Tale of Two Cities or A Room With a View. Something I would happily reread.

The Passion | Jeanette Winterson

• As mentioned in my previous Shelf Life, an English high school teacher friend, changed the course of my reading life during the mid-90's. Another of the authors she introduced me to was Jeanette Winterson.
• I acquired The Passion on the 22nd July 1995.
• It utterly flummoxed me at the time. As well as astounded and amazed.
• I had never read anything like it before.
• Part history, part fantasy, part fairy tale, part magic realism.
• Napoleon, Venice, food and the fate of women throughout history - all themes I love in a book.
• But I wasn't sure if this was a writer for me, or not...until...

Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit | Jeanette Winterson

• Purchased in Sydney on the 29th Dec 1996.
• The most extraordinary and memorable fictional memoir I have ever read.
• Great opening line: Like most people I lived for a long time with my mother and father. My father liked to watch the wrestling, my mother liked to wrestle.
• A devastating read, that made me realise I would be reading anything and everything that Winterson wrote in the future.
• Including her 2011 memoir, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal, which revealed the bits from Oranges that were real and which were made up.
• However, I've now read two versions of the same story, and do not need to reread either of them.

The Surgeon of Crowthorne | Simon Winchester

• What a find this one was.
• Picked up from the sale table in my local bookshop on the 11th May 2000.
• I still talk about this book and what I learnt about the Oxford English Dictionary.
• Subsequent Simon Winchester reads have not been so successful though.
• I found Krakatoa too dry, A Crack in the Edge of the World meandered too much and by the time I tried The Map That Changed the World and failed to finish, I realised that except for this one book, Simon Winchester and I do not go together.
• I'm too scared to read TSOC again, in case it alters my lovely memory of reading it the first time.
• I will definitely be seeing the new movie, The Professor and the Madman, later on this month (unless the reviews are absolutely dog. Which is possible.)

That's five more books released into the wild, set free from my bookshelves, their memories committed to posterity here. Lady Chatterley, and all the wonderful memories of my time in the UK in 1991, will return to my bookshelf, safe for at least one more move!

Shelf Life #1
Shelf Life #2

Letting Go

Photo by Gena Okami on Unsplash

Sometimes a book or an author is just not meant to be.

We all make decisions about which books to read. When we browse through a book shop or a library, we make choices based on all sorts of personal reasons about whether we even pick up a book or not in the first place. Is it a book or an author we've heard of before or had recommended to us by a friend? Does the cover attract us? Even the section of the book shop or library that we gravitate towards dictates which books might find their way into our hands.

We pick up books, get a feel for them in our hands. We check out the quotes on the cover and read the back cover blurb. That is often enough to return a book to the shelf.

A few lucky books make it to the let's-read-the-first-page stage.

Not that many go any further though.

After 50 plus years of this reading life, I make all sorts of quick judgements and choices based on that first page. If the writing style isn't flowing for me, back on the shelf it goes. If the content isn't my cup of tea after all, back it goes.

Obviously, my mood on the day of browsing plays a huge roll in this process, which is why I highly recommend multiple browsing days! A book that doesn't appeal one week when I'm tired and grumpy, might be just the right thing a month later after I've had a restful weekend.

Then there are the books that after the first page, I'm still not completely sure about. I know from experience that some of my favourite books take a little while to get going. So a few more books, get the first chapter chance.

Working in an independent bookshop means that I can also give a wide variety of books the lunch time treatment, whereby a book has a whole half hour to hook me, or not, as I eat my sushi.

This is a little post about those books that got this far, but no further.

No matter how hard I try, Catch-22 is a book I simply cannot finish. I can usually get to about half way, laughing out loud and enjoying the odd-ball humour and irony, but then suddenly, I hit the wall and I've had enough.

Last night I tried to read The Year Without Summer by Guinevere Glasford. Given the awful summer we've had in NSW, I thought I would really connect to another year that was without summer thanks to the largest modern volcanic eruption. I gave it two whole chapters since she was writing a book from several perspectives, but I couldn't get going with it at all.

Isabel Allende and I do not go together. I've tried several times, mostly because her books fall under the historical fiction umbrella, my favourite genre. Most recently, I tried to start A Long Petal of the Sea, but I just couldn't. Her writing style keeps me at a distance and in this particular case, I could see the research showing in every single line.

Helen Garner's Yellow Notebook was another recent pass.

Like Garner, I wrote a journal for most of my twenties and thirties. It was a pretty angst filled journey as I worked out how to become an adult and live in the adult world. In amongst the emotional dross, were some interesting (most likely only to me) observations, commentary and personal milestones.
During a major upheaval in my life in my late thirties, I decided it was time to jettison the numerous journals clogging up my life office. They were not only clogging up my physical space, but they also felt like an emotional burden I didn't want to have with me any longer. But before I tossed them, I decided to read them one last time, looking out for any interesting, important, significant sections. I then typed these snippets up over a period of about a year. I'm in no way suggesting that I am a writer of Garner's calibre or experience, but my snippets look and sound just like hers in the Yellow Notebook.

I completely understand how it's an interesting exercise for the individual to go through this process, but I'm not so convinced that it's such an interesting exercise for the reader.
I ho-hummed my way to the 10% mark before passing it on.

One book that I did read all the way through, hoping to find some joy, was Graham Swift's upcoming book Here We Are. I adored his previous book Mothering Sunday so much that I would forgive him a multitude of sins, so I kept hoping that Here We Are would suddenly hit that mark. A couple of times when we went into the backstory of one of the main characters, I thought, ah-ha we're onto something here, but I never really got the purpose of the story or really engaged with any of the three protagonists. Sad, but true.

I'm currently trying out Blueberries by Ellena Savage as my lunch time read. It's not really grabbing me so far, but I'm prepared to give it one or two more lunch times before I decide for sure.

That feels better!

I can now let all these stories go.

I'm not saying you should join me in letting go these books. You might LOVE these books and authors or connect to these stories in a way completely different to me. And that's okay.

And that's why I love books and stories so much. 

There is something for everyone, to suit every mood or occasion. 

Have you had to let go a book recently?

How do you decide which books to continue with and which ones to leave on the shelf?

Shelf Life #1

Photo by LAUREN GRAY on Unsplash

Shelf Life is a new personal meme to help me in my ongoing attempt to declutter my bookshelves.

It's more than a Marie Condo of my books though.

It's aim is to reflect, honour and let go as many books as possible.

Most likely, in the next 12 months or so, Mr Books and I will be on the move. The thought of packing up everything we own again, gives me the horrors.

Therefore as time permits, I will reassess the many, many READ books stacked on my bookshelves. (The unread TBR pile is another story all together!)

The aim of Shelf Life is to let go those books that I know I will never read again and to give them a proper send off.

My assessment criteria includes:

• Does this book spark joy?
• Honestly, will I ever reread this book?
• How and why did this book come to be on my bookshelf anyway?
• When and where did I read this book?
• What are my memories of this book?
• Is this book part of a series, a signed copy or a special edition?
• Do I want to pack and unpack this book one more time? Or several more times, during what's left of my lifetime?
• If I were to let this book go, would I feel regret, remorse or relief?

Let Shelf Life begin...

The top shelf on my main bookshelf is devoted to Australian authors and my first book may actually challenge the whole rationale behind doing this.

You may also be shocked to discover that I no longer stack my shelves in alphabetical order! A number of years ago, to make everything fit, I had to resort to stacking by shape and size of book. To help me find books though, I classified shelves by continent or region.

• The Great World by David Malouf was a reread five years ago for a Classics Club Spin. Rereading my response to it only highlights why rereading at different ages and stages is such a wonderful, worthwhile thing to do. It's why I've held onto so many books for so long. It also reminds me of all the small, but personally significant feelings and details that are attached to every single book on my shelf. I can still picture myself reading this book, seated in my large blue wingback armchair, by the window of my second home in Mudgee. I remember the ahhh moments I enjoyed as I savoured Malouf's use of language. I don't remember where I sat to read it the second time though. And curiously, I recall very little about the actual story. After two read-throughs, I still can't tell you what the story is about in any detail, except for the lingering after effects of war. I will not go there for a third time.

• When I find a new-to-me author I tend to get excited and seek out more books by them. During the same summer holiday in December 1997 that I discovered The Great World, I also picked up a copy of Remembering Babylon by Malouf at Gleebooks. I now know that it won the inaugural International Dublin Literary Award and was shortlisted for the 1993 Man Booker Prize and the Miles Franklin Award. However, I cared little for those things back then. I read for pure pleasure not prizes. I still read for pleasure (the majority of the time) but now use the many literary prizes from around the world to help me find new authors. The internet has made it much easier to keep track of such things. In 1997, the main way I found new authors was to browse, for lengthy periods of time, in bookshops and libraries. Remembering Babylon marks the beginning of my active interest in Australian literature, especially the colonial versus Indigenous perspectives.

• Ten months later, I was back in Sydney, browsing through the fiction section of Dymock's, when I obviously decided it was time for another Malouf. How do I know this? Because back then, I used to write my name, the date (I purchased the book) and where, onto every title page of every book. Antipodes came into my life on the 6th October 1998. At this point in time, I wasn't a big fan of the short story, so it's interesting to note that Malouf not only started me down a more literary reading path, but also the short story path that I now enjoy so much. Flicking through the pages revealed another unexpected gem - an old travel ten Sydney bus pass that I had been using as a bookmark.

• One person can have an extraordinary impact on one's reading journey. It wasn't until I read the dedication in the next book, that I realised why my reading tastes started to change from 1995 onwards. Around that time, a new English teacher arrived at the local high school. She ended up renting an apartment across from me. We became friends. She had very strong opinions about Literature with a capital L. In fact, it is thanks to her that I first read Middlemarch in 1995, one of her all-time favourite books. For my birthday in 1998, she gave me a copy of Robert Dessaix's Night Letters. It was one of the first LGBTQIA books I can remember reading. It was a time before the acronym and it seemed a pretty daring thing to do. I was never quite sure if I was reading fiction or memoir and I loved every word. I also came away with a long list of authors and books I wanted to read, including Midnight's Children by Rushdie and Bruce Chatwin's Songlines.

• In 1999 I picked up a lovely hardback edition of Dessaix's (and so forth). It was the summer holidays and I was visiting family in Bathurst. I dived into this collection of essays and journalism, barely coming up for breath. He touched on so many things that obsessed interested me too - Russia, art, literature, Indigenous culture, travel, China and words, glorious words. I was hooked.

• However, I waited until 2003 for my next Dessaix fix. It was midwinter in Mudgee and to cure my June blues, I was tempted by the gorgeous sunny cover of Corfu: A Novel. It was part fiction, part biofiction with oodles of travelogue, set on the magic little island of Corfu. An island that I had visited, oh so briefly, back in 1991. They only way to return was via Dessaix's story. Like (and so forth), Corfu is a lovely small sized hardback that fits nicely into one's hands as you read.

As I've been writing this post, my ideas about the purpose of Shelf Life have evolved. I started this

thinking I would be passing on all six of these books to new readers. But I now realise that I'm not ready to let them all go just yet.

Two of these books are still sparking joy. 

The act of handling them and flicking through their pages has created an urge to reread them. They still feel like they are a part of my journey or my story somehow.

Can you guess which two are staying?

Flames by Robbie Arnott

It's a long weekend in Australia, and for the first time in over a year, we've enjoyed a lazy, nothing-to-do-but-flop-around-the-house kind of weekend. It has been blissful. Even with the ghastly high temps and even higher humidity, or maybe because of, it has been the perfect time for reading, snoozing and listening to music as we sporadically clean and tidy the house.

Typing up reviews has been the furthest thing from my mind.

Lots of changes (the good, positive, life-going-forward kind of changes, but changes nonetheless) are coming our way this year - starting next week when B18 goes away to Uni.

The teenage years are not easy for anyone to live through, which is maybe Nature's way of making it easy for both teens and their parents to let go. But as tough as the last few years have been (and there were times when I thought my sanity would not survive intact), I wouldn't now swap them for anything.

Which brings me to Flames by Robbie Arnott. Like a teenager in full flight, it's a hard novel to define or pin down. Like a teenager, it's a debut with flights of fancy, bravado and wild schemes. It's on the verge of greatness, oozing potential and grand ideas. But unlike living with teenagers, I loved every minute of it and can't wait to see what Arnott does next!

The Tasmanian environment is one of the prominent characters throughout this genre-defying story which Arnott uses to stress the interconnectedness between us all. Fire, water, trees and the gods play their parts too.

Flames has a fablesque quality and is mythological in tone with different writing styles to suit each characters story. Arnott plays around with magic realism, an epistolary chapter, report writing and the fabulous chapter with the female private eye that reads like a Tasmanian Philip Marlowe, just to name a few. It should have felt disjointed and all over the place, but just like a teen, it somehow made sense and seemed like just the right thing to do at that time.

Through his various characters, Arnott explores the wild, raw nature of grief, mourning and love. We watch them come to terms with letting go of what they thought they knew as they learn to embrace the unknowable future and whatever it might bring. No matter how far apart you may seem to be, you are still family, you are still connected, and it will ultimately keep you afloat, if you let it.

Arnott is a young Tasmanian copywriter. Flames has been shortlisted for the Victorian Premier's Literary Award for Fiction, the Indie Book Awards for Debut Fiction, and the Queensland Literary Awards: University of Queensland Fiction Book Award 2018.

Facts:

• Longlisted | 2020 International Dublin Literary Award.
• Winner | Margaret Scott Prize | Tasmanian Premier's Literary Awards 2019
• Shortlisted | Victorian Premier's Literary Award for Fiction 2019
• Longlisted | Indie Book Awards for Debut Fiction 2019
• Shortlisted | UTS Glenda Adams Award for New Writing | NSW Premier's Literary Awards 2019
• Shortlisted | Queensland Literary Awards Fiction Book Award 2018
• Shortlisted | Kathleen Mitchell Award 2019
• Longlisted | ALS Gold Medal 2019
• Longlisted | Miles Franklin Literary Award 2019
• Longlisted | Voss Literary Prize 2019
• Shortlisted | Guardian’s Not the Booker Prize UK 2019

The Ides of March

I've had a peculiar day.

People have been sharing their tales of woe and weirdness with me all day.

Acquaintances, not quite strangers on the street, but close enough, sharing intimate, private details with me. I've been hugging people left, right and centre and listening to the most extraordinary stories.

All of this weirdness got me thinking about the Ides of March.

The day that Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC.

It was obviously a very weird day for Caesar and the Roman Republic as well.

A major turning point in history, in fact.

Where Rome moved from being a Republic (albeit a Republic fraught with internal tensions) to a fully fledged Imperial Empire by 27 BC.

A period of civil war, executions and unrest followed Caesar's death, until his great-nephew and adopted son Octavius was able to consolidate his power base and take control.

500 years of the Roman Republic over, just like that.

In a blink of an eye.

The Death of Caesar (1798) by Vincenzo Camuccini

Change has been on my mind a lot lately.

The passing of time, the march of generations, yet the continuity and sameness of it all.

Things that once seemed so important and necessary and definite have faded, been forgotten.

Other ideas and feelings have become the important things to hold on to.

Yet these too will pass.

All those people, the regular folk, the Plebeians of Rome, spent their days going around doing their daily thing. Working, eating, spending time with family. Worrying if they had enough food, frightened when someone got sick, hoping that all those people running around trying to rule Rome didn't muck things up too much.

Just like us.

All their fears, loves, dreams, hopes and concerns are now nothing to us.

They were important to them at the time, just like ours are to us, but one day they will all be gone too.

Empires, republics and nations come and go.

Just like us.

Rulers, leaders, dictators and tyrants come and go.

Just like us.

One day, this time will be but a blink in the eye of history.

Our stories will have disappeared as too our fears, loves, dreams, hopes and concerns.

Why hold on to the shitty stuff?

Let it go.

If all we've got is this brief time, this brief, always changing time, then why not hold onto the good stuff? 

Honour our sorrows, not wallow.

Learn from our trials and tribulations, not ignore.

Acknowledge our fears, then laugh at them.

Hold on to all that is good.
Fight for kindness, peace and safety.
Revel in love, beauty and hope.

Let go of all that is holding you back.

Et tu.
Et te.

#justsaying

My Journey with Grace

GRACE was my ONE word of 2017. I have been watching Sheila's journey with her one word for the past five years with admiration and awe. But I never felt the need to join in. I had my own journey with significant words over the years, but the idea of choosing a new one each year didn't really fit my way.

Until last year.

It suddenly felt right to explore the possibility of a new word. Change was in the air. The The time was ripe. And GRACE was the chosen one.

The challenge of finding, accepting and allowing GRACE into my life has been much harder than I ever thought a word could or would ever be.

Every time I caught myself acting UNGRACIOUSLY, I would try to meditate my way back into a more peaceful, compassionate frame of mind. But it felt like a constant struggle.

Halfway through the year, I thought that paying attention to how GRACE manifested itself it the books that I read might help me to see it in my own life. So I made notes of quotes like the ones below.

The Essex Serpent by Sarah Perry - Cora's letter

I live in a state of disgrace....Of course I've always been in disgrace with Frankie....And however kindly you write, I often feel I might fall from grace with you.

It is grace, again! he thought: Grace abounding to the chief of sinners! 

The Return of the King by J R R Tolkien - Aragorn to Eowyn

"for I walked in this land ere you were born to grace it".

Denethor to Faramir

Ever your desire is to appear lordly and generous as a king of old, gracious, gentle.

Lady Susan by Jane Austen

She possesses an uncommon union of symmetry, brilliancy and grace.

Grace and manner after all are of the greatest importance. 

But even that felt unhelpful.

The battle to find GRACE, be GRACE, feel GRACE and share GRACE continued. And now, as I reflect on a year that was meant to embody GRACE, I feel like a failure. I feel that my year of GRACE has done nothing but show me how little GRACE I actually have.

GRACE mocked me all year.

There was nothing amazing or sweet about it.

I knew that 2017 would be the beginning of a time of change, but the changes that ended up arriving where not the ones that I expected (or wanted). Curiously, I handled the unexpected ones with far more GRACE than the ones I had planned for.

Perhaps GRACE wasn't the right word, or maybe it needs more time to work its magic? It was like I was punching above my weight all year; I was unable to make any headway with it. It felt like a brick wall, not a way forward. It was a hindrance, more than a help.

When I spotted this list poem by Marilyn the other day, it struck a chord.

Certainly, my 2017 ended up being a year of loss. It wasn't planned; I guess you could call it a surprise, but not a very pleasant one. My attempts to act with GRACE were not what I had in mind. Mistakes were made. Not being in control freaks me out, so perhaps all the loss and change that occurred during 2017 was part of my struggle in learning to let go GRACEFULLY (or not)!

On reflection, I can see that 2017 had lots of moments of honouring, generosity, adventure, serendipity, humour and kindness. Thanks to Mr Books, there was once again, an abundance of love and understanding.

But I was also prickily capable of nit-picking, impatience, distraction, moodiness and frustration. If anyone knows how to ask a teenager GRACEFULLY for the fifth time to do their chores or how to encourage a stuck-in-a-rut technophobe colleague to work to a more efficient, independent schedule, I'd be pleased to hear about it!

I think the religious connotations of GRACE were a factor in my year-long struggle. When trying to find discussions on GRACE it usually led to the GRACE of god. I am a non-believer - choosing GRACE as my word will not change that. Amazing GRACE may be my one and only favourite hymn but it's the pentatonic scale that moves me.

I wanted to engage in GRACE in a more secular way and I started to resent how the word GRACE had become so religious. Yet another example of my lack of GRACIOUSNESS!

In year's gone by, my one word has given me power, strength and a sense of purpose. But GRACE left me floundering.

I've spent some time recently trying to find secular, poetic or philosophical approaches to GRACE. I've littered this post with a few of them. However it was the Buddhist quote below that resonated most deeply as I realised that it was, in fact, LETTING GO that I had been engaging with all this time after all.

I've been learning to LET GO (sometimes GRACEFULLY; sometimes kicking and screaming) ever since the death of my good friend back in 2003 and, along with my life word, HOPE, LETTING GO is the other biggie that has been guiding me, influencing me and comforting me throughout this journey we call life (the back story for all of this can be found in the link at the top of the post).

It has taken a year of struggling with the wrong word, to finally lead me to the perfect one for me at this point of my journey.

I can now, very GRACEFULLY, and with relief, LET GO of GRACE. Her purpose, perhaps, was to lead me to the right word(s).

LETTING GO is the challenge that I've been embracing and practising for years. It is now time to do so consciously and with purpose.

Sheila @Book Journey is the facilitator of One Word Resolutions. I'm sure she won't mind that my word has taken a while to germinate and evolve.