Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope by Mark Manson

Last year I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck out of curiosity. Everyone seemed to be talking about the book and it was one of our bestsellers at work but I was convinced that it was just another self-help book...with swear words.

I was right; and I was wrong.

It does have loads of swear words and it is a kind of self-help book, but it turned out to be more than that. It was actually useful and practical advice on how to become a fully functioning adult. It was a personal journal by one man that also gave the reader permission to reflect on their own personal journey in a constructive way. It was mostly done by looking through the lens of Buddhism.

Then along comes book 2 - Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope

It is and isn't about hope.

Mostly it's about how to become the best adult you can be. How to give up our childish and adolescent thinking and move towards maturity, virtue and humanity. 

This time the lens is philosophy. 

Manson distils the essence of Plato, Newton, Einstein, Kant, Nietzsche and Freud into easy to read, modern day language with contemporary examples. Anyone who has ever tried to read these guys in the original, knows that unless you have the time, energy, interest or motivation, that they present as being pretty dense, of-their-time, academic writing not easily accessible to the lay person.

Manson takes all that academic research and thought and not only tweaks it for a young, modern audience, but also makes it relevant to our present day lives. He talks about the Thinking Brain and Feeling Brain, our sense of control and purpose, our beliefs and values and happiness. But like the first book, it is mostly about becoming an adult. And not just any adult, but the best adult you can be.

He covers off childish thinking and adolescent thinking and shows up what adult thinking actually looks. 

I think these books are great. Despite the swearing. Perhaps I'm getting used to Manson's style but I didn't notice as many F-bombs in this book as the first.

Adulting seems to be a real thing at the moment and books like these remind us that becoming an adult is a lifelong journey, with specific cultural signposts to mark the way. Manson also tells us that humankind has been literally pondering this issue ever since time began. It is not a new thing. It mostly boils down to the way we think and feel and choose to act that defines us as adults. And it's never too late to start.

I noted lots of passages throughout the book on my Goodreads page - so I've transferred them here to have them all in one spot.

Don't be put off by the title. If you have a Gen Z, young adult or millennial or two in your life, then these two books would be perfect gifts for them...and for you too.

Photo by Joshua Newton on Unsplash

• Because, in the infinite expanse of space/time, the universe does not care whether you mother's hip replacement goes well, or your kids attend college, or your boss thinks you made a bitching spreadsheet. It doesn't care if the Democrats or the Republicans win the presidential election. You care. You care, & you desperately convince yourself that because you care, it all must have some great cosmic meaning behind it.
• The opposite of happiness is not anger or sadness. If you're angry or sad, that means you still give a f*ck about something.
• The opposite of happiness is hopelessness, an endless grey horizon of resignation and indifference.
• Hopelessness is the root of anxiety, mental illness and depression. It is the source of all misery & the cause of all addiction. 
• Hope narratives are what give our lives a sense of purpose. 
• An irrational sense of hopelessness is spreading across the rich, developed world. It's a paradox of progress: the better things get, the more anxious and desperate we all seem to feel.
• To build and maintain hope, we need three things: a sense of control, a belief in the value of something and a community. 
• The overindulgence of emotion leads to a crisis of hope, but so does the repression of emotion. 
• You don't get to control your feelings, Thinking Brain. Self-control is an illusion....
  But here's what you do have, Thinking Brain. You may not have self-control, but you do have meaning control. This is your superpower....You get to decipher them however you see fit....it's the meaning that we ascribe our feelings that can often alter how the Feeling Brain reacts to them.
  And this is how you produce hope. 
• People are liars, all of us. We lie constantly & habitually. We lie about important things and trifling things. And we usually don't lie out of malice - rather, we lie to others because we're in such a habit of lying to ourselves. 
• When we stop valuing something, it ceases to be fun or interesting to us. Therefore, there is no sense of loss, no sense of missing out when we stop doing it. On the contrary, we look back and wonder how we spent so much time caring about such a silly, trivial thing....These pangs of regret or embarrassment are good: they signify growth. 
• We all possess some degree of narcissism...
  We all overestimate our skills and intentions and underestimate the skills and intentions of others...
  We all tend to believe that we are honest and ethical than we actually are...
• The only thing that can ever truly destroy a dream is to have it come true.
• Each religion is a faith-based attempt to explain reality in such a way that it gives people a steady stream of hope...
  Every religion runs into the sticky problem of evidence. 
• The scientific revolution eroded the dominance of spiritual religions and made way for the dominance of ideological religions. 
• Hope for nothing. Hope for what already is - because hope is ultimately empty...
  Hope for this. Hope for the opportunity and oppression present in every single moment. Hope for the suffering that comes with freedom. For the pain that comes from happiness. For the wisdom that comes from ignorance. For the power that comes from surrender.
  And then act despite it.
• This is our challenge...to act without hope. To not hope for better. To BE better. In this moment and the next. And the next. And the next.
  Everything is fucked. And hope is both the cause and the effect of the fuckedness.
• In the same way that the adolescent realises that there's more to the world than the child's pleasure or pain, the adult realises that there's more to the world than the adolescent's constant bargaining for validation, approval and satisfaction. Becoming an adult is therefore developing the ability to what is right for the simple reason that it is right. 
• The difference between a child, an adolescent and an adult is not how old they are or what they do, but WHY they do something. 
• Essentially what good parenting boils down to...is helping them to understand that life is far more complicated than their own impulses or desires...children who are abused and children who are coddled often end up with the same issues when they become adults: they remain stuck in their childhood value system.
• The pursuit of happiness is not only self-defeating but also impossible...by pursuing happiness, you paradoxically make it less attainable.
• While pain is inevitable, suffering is always a choice.
  That there is always a separation between what we experience and how we interpret that experience.
• The pursuit of happiness is, then, an avoidance of growth, an avoidance of maturity, an avoidance of virtue. 
• The quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our character, and the quality of our character is determined by our relationship to our pain. 
• The only true form of freedom, the only ethical form of freedom...is not the privilege of choosing everything you want in your life, but rather, choosing what you will give up in your life...
  Diversions come and go. Pleasure never lasts. Variety loses its meaning.
• Don't hope for better. Just BE better.
  Be something better. Be more compassionate, more resilient, more humble, more disciplined....be a better human.

4/20 Books of Summer Winter

What To Do When I'm Gone by Suzy Hopkins & Hallie Bateman

I'm glad this is a book I don't actually need right now. What To Do When I'm Gone: A Mother's Wisdom to Her Daughter is exactly what it says it is. When Hallie had one of those moments during her early twenties when she suddenly realised that one day her mum would die, she felt devastated by this future loss. She discussed it with her mum, who promptly sat down to put together a list of things to do and not do in the event of her death.

Told in diary form with graphic style illustrations, Suzy proceeds to give advice on how to handle the days after she is gone. The first 8 days contain all the stuff Suzy feels a young woman would need to get through that phone call, that first day, the funeral. We then jump days to include things like that first birthday, the first dream as well as all those times when a young woman turns to her mum for support (the break up of a relationship, having kids of her own, changing jobs, growing older, bad days etc).

It's deeply personal, heart-breaking and so, so poignant. But it is also life-affirming, positive and feels very authentic. This book is designed to help younger women cope with loss and grief, but with an end date 20 000 days later, the advice and support within these pages could help anyone who has experienced death and loss. In a nutshell, it's resilience, memories and courage that will keep you going, keep you strong and keep you safe. Nothing unusual in any of that, but having it all together in a lovely book package can help it to feel like the great, big, warm fuzzy it sets out to be.

Even if you haven't lost someone close, reading books like this can prepare you a little for that time. In the middle of your grief, pages from this book may pop back into your mind to help you get through the next bit.

Book 5 of #20BooksofSummer (Winter) Drop-in title

16℃ in Sydney but the wind chill factor made it more like 7℃

15℃ in Northern Ireland

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson

Probably like many of you, I spent (too) much time in my twenties and thirties worrying about stuff that seemed really important at the time, but I can barely remember now, over a decade later.

Becoming an adult is hard work.

I spent a lot of time feeling confused, wondering when I would actually feel like a grown up, even as I did adult stuff like go to work everyday, signed up for a mortgage and payed my bills on time. I loved being free and independent of my parents and loved being responsible for my own life, but was that it? Was that being an adult?

I might have been financially and emotionally independent, and more than capable of travelling the world on my own, but I struggled to find meaningful love relationships and I certainly didn't feel happy very often. I knew that buying into the Hollywood dream of happiness and love was a road to disaster, yet those images and ideals still seeped into my subconscious and infected my thinking anyway. I really don't know how young people, swamped by false, all-happy images on social media, cope at all these days. It was hard enough to keep the insidious messages of movies, magazines and media at bay without adding facebook, insta, twitter, snapchat et al to the mix. (Did that just make me sound really OLD?)

At the time, I looked for books or philosophies that might make it all magically better. I quickly learnt to avoid anything or anyone that promised me that I DESERVED to be happy because I was just soooooo god-damn special, unique and awesome. Someone, once, even tried to convince me that I was angel of the universe and deserved all good and wonderful things all the time! I was desperate to feel happy and normal and balanced, but apparently not too desperate to recognise bullshit when it was heaped upon me.

All this seeking and searching didn't leave me feeling like I was much of a grown-up. In fact, I felt that I was failing at it somehow.

But then, in my mid thirties, I faced death fair and square, with the sudden fatal illness of a dear friend. One of the many things that came from this time, was a reflection on how I wanted MY life to be viewed when MY end came. Was I being kind enough, loving enough? Was I doing stuff that gave my life meaning or was I just going through the motions? If I were to die tomorrow, would I have regrets for the things undone, unsaid? Was a living a life half-lived?

I decided it was time to let go of my childhood issues. I decided it was time to embrace MY life and be the person I really wanted to be.

It was during this time I discovered Buddhism, yoga and meditation. I also learnt to accept all the love that was in my life, via family, friends and colleagues, even if I didn't have a life partner.
I had to work this stuff out for myself the hard way. Over time and with lots of blood, sweat and tears.

And perhaps that's how it works for us all.

That's certainly how it worked for Mark Manson.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson is not only Manson's hard-won journey into becoming an adult, but also Buddhism 101 heavily laced with the F-bomb!

Manson's wraps up Buddhist thoughts about suffering, attachment and letting go ever so sweetly and succinctly in his title. The rest of the book expands on these ideas with humour, clearly articulated anecdotes and catchy phrases.

• You must give a fuck about something.
• Reserve your fucks for what truly matters.
• Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what's truly fuck-worthy.
• This book doesn't give a fuck about alleviating your problems or your pain.

Think of it as a guide to suffering and how to do it better, more meaningfully, with more compassion and more humility. It's a book about moving lightly despite your heavy burdens, resting easier with your greatest fears, laughing at your tears as you cry them. 

• Happiness comes from solving problems.
• We shouldn't always trust our emotions. In fact, I believe we should make a habit of questioning them.
• Real, serious, lifelong fulfilment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles.
• Most of us a pretty average at most things we do.
• We don't always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond.
• Many people may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you.
• We should be in constant search of doubt.
• All beliefs are wrong - some are just less wrong that others.
• People can't solve your problems for you....You can't solve other people's problems for them either.

There are some experiences that you can have only when you've lived in the same place for five years, when you've been with the same person for over a decade, when you've been working on the same skill or craft for half your lifetime.

• Breadth of experience is likely necessary and desirable when you're young....But depth is where the gold is buried.
• Death is the only thing we can know with any certainty...it must be the compass by which we orient all of our other values and decisions. 

If you've ever wondered what this life is all about it and whether you're doing it right and you don't mind a good dose of swearing, then this is the book for you. I thoroughly enjoyed it and found it insightful and practical as well.

Manson's website is here if you'd like to have a taste-test before buying.

Bookish Personality Tag

It has occurred to me that my recent blogging/reading malaise was actually part of a bigger problem. It slowly dawned on me that my life had got out of whack. A growing disconnect existed between what I thought, what I felt and my actions.

At the beginning of the year I took some time to reflect on my one word (thanks to Sheila @Book Journey) that would help guide me through this year.

I chose GRACE.

And I have struggled ever since.

I have been ungracious. I feel like everyone has been in my bad graces and I'm only getting by in the real world thanks to the conventional social graces. There has been nothing amazing or otherwise about my year so far.

I am aware of the religious connotations for the word grace, but I have never been tempted by any religious belief. I believe that we save ourselves, that the gift is life itself and that compassion, kindness, love, mercy and forgiveness are choices we can make for ourselves. I understand that many people need to explore these ideas within a religious framework. Whatever works for you. But it's not for me.

I have discussed this quite a bit with Mr Books of late.

I should note that he does not experience me as being ungracious, ungrateful or permanently irritable. He sees me struggling with stuff, but thankfully, I don't seem to take it out on the ones I love.

Which is when I realised that I needed to connect the dots inside of me. It's time to bring all the pieces back together, that somehow, somewhere along the way, dispersed into a million fragments.

I need to slow down - especially my mind. It goes off in hundreds of directions at once, all the time! It's exhausting.
I struggle to live in the now as I'm always forward planning and worrying about things that might happen.
I need more time in nature. The sound of wind in the trees, the feel of grass or sand under my feet and the smell of earth, beach and forest has always made me feel better.

Instead of rushing through my local parks and reserves, busy on my phone or thinking and feeling too many things at once, I could try embracing the Japanese idea of shinrin-yoku.

I stopped writing in my personal journal years ago - it might be time to start again.

And other than writing here, I don't do anything creative anymore (unless you can count Instagram as being creative).

I used to garden, cross-stitch, knit, dance and sing. I used to love cooking (until I had fussy teenagers to cater for). It's time to rediscover my creative side.

One of the blogger things that caught my eye this past week is a Myers Briggs Personality Test Book Tag! Really! It's a thing!

I've dabbled in Myers-Briggs testing ever since I first got online. I have done the test on various sites at various times in the past 18 yrs. The majority of the time I come out as an INFJ.

I'm curious enough tonight to see where this might lead.

Jillian @A Lady: A Reading Journal started me off, but you can trace the meme back to Emma @Bookish Nights and Bella and Olga and Maya and so on!

Like Maya, my personality type has changed a couple of times. One time my test result was INFP, another time it was INTJ. But most of the time it has been INFJ. Tonight, using this test, I once again came up INFJ.

Fluctuating, some might say, inconsistent, results such as these have been seen as deficiencies in the Myers-Briggs test. Many psychologists prefer The Big Five Personality Test. Having done both, there are enough similarities between my results for me to feel confident in accepting my INFJ label.

FYI - my Big Five OCEAN results show that I am 68% open, 85% conscientious, only 40% on the extroversion scale (i.e. introvert!), 78% for agreeableness and 48% neurotic.

Which brings us to the questions for this meme...

What is the Personality Type INFJ?

The INFJ (Advocate) type is apparently very rare - less than 1% of the population - which appeals to my need to be independent and might explain my lifelong belief that no-one really understands me!

Advocates share a unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – Advocates will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to Advocates, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.

Advocates find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and fact. It makes sense that their friends and colleagues will come to think of them as quiet Extraverted types, but they would all do well to remember that Advocates need time alone to decompress and recharge, and to not become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. Advocates take great care of other’s feelings, and they expect the favor to be returned. Source

And...

INFJ's place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between their inner and outer worlds. Source

 What is My Personality Like?

I've always been an introvert, but as I've got older, I have become better, stronger, braver and I can now deal confidently with many more social situations than of old. I have learnt to enjoy social events and sometimes I even get a little buzzy high when in a group of people. But it's like a sugar-high. It's built on nothing solid and collapses quickly, leaving me flat, exhausted and desperately in need of quiet, calm time to myself. And beauty.

I NEED beauty to soothe my soul and calm my jaded spirits. 

When life gets too hard, I get myself to an art gallery or back to nature pronto!

***Reading back over the early part of this (very long and getting longer with ever minute) post, I see that my INFJ was leaping out screaming 'look at me, look at me!' all along.***

'They have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families, but doubts that they are living up to their full potential.' ✓

Some INFJ's can be psychic apparently, but I have never experienced anything that couldn't be explained by scientific logic and rational thought.

'As genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict.' ✓

'But when the circumstances are unavoidable, they can fight back in highly irrational, unhelpful ways.' ✓

'INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them.' ✓

'An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.' ✓

If I were a character in a book what would my strengths and weaknesses be?

Like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings and Toto, I can see through dishonesty and deception. I think that's a good thing! We're also very calm and composed...on the outside.

I share Atticus Finch's altruism and passion for justice. 

Hercule Poirot's painstaking attention to detail can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on which side you're on! My colleagues would probably say the same thing.

Clark Kent and I are both unassuming and just get on with the job. We don't need lots of accolades or attention as long as the one we love sees us for who we really are.

Remus Lupin, Jon Snow and I are very loyal and protective towards our family & friends, although trust can sometimes be an issue. Once lost, it's hard to regain. Our reserve and sense of privacy can put some people off, but we're only protecting ourselves.

Like the Tinman, I often wander around believing that I have no heart, which surprises all who love us as they only see our tenderness and sensitivity.

My weaknesses are shared with the likes of Kermit the Frog, who always got stressed out by the incompetence and folly of the other Muppets! 

Our desire to be self-reliant and true to ourselves can sometimes see us push away those we love best when we need them (or they need us) the most - yes, you, Jane Eyre!

I experience Theodore Lawrence's moodiness when I'm thwarted or feeling unloved and like Lisa Simpson, I can be a tad critical of those not living up to my high standards (which I also apply to myself).

Which authors share my MBTI?

Quite a few apparently, including J.K. Rowling (although INFP's claim her too), Plato, Mary Wollstonecraft, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Dante Alighieri, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Agatha Christie, Charlotte Brontë, Carl Jung, and Leo Tolstoy.

I searched high & low for a source for this. Let me know if you know.

If I were a character in a novel what job would I have?

I'd have to be in a rather splendid, epic novel that had designs on changing the world. So my character would have to be the do-gooder (Mahatma Ghandi or Mother Theresa style) working for the betterment of humankind. Or I could take to the dark side to bring the whole thing tumbling down like Darth Vader or Adolf Hitler. 

Really? Adolf Hitler & Mother Theresa are the same personality type? The internet wouldn't lie to me now would it?

What personality type would complete my OTP?

First up, I had to look up OTP.

One True Pairing.

When it comes to romantic relationships, Advocates take the process of finding a partner seriously. Not ones for casual encounters, people with the Advocate personality type instead look for depth and meaning in their relationships. Advocates will take the time necessary to find someone they truly connect with – once they’ve found that someone, their relationships will reach a level of depth and sincerity that most people can only dream of.

Secondly, I'm surprised that everyone doesn't approach romance this way. If you're going to do a job, like the huge, amazing job of falling in love with someone for the rest of your life, you might as well do it properly - INFJ wisdom right there!

It would also seem that like attracts like in this case.

INFJ's often seek out other INFJ's for a lifetime of authentic love and togetherness.

ENFP's are the other possibility.

INFJ is the cat - just in case you were wondering!

Who are some fictional characters that would complete my OTP?

Fictional ENFP's include Willy Wonka, Faramir (from LOTR - one of my favourite non-Hobbit's), Mr Keating (Dead Poet's Society), Hawkeye Pearce (MASH) and George Bailey (It's a Wonderful Life).

And now that I've read more about ENFP's, I suspect that Mr Books may be one too.

Are you still with me?

Bravo to you!

If you feel inclined to explore your own Myers-Briggs Personality type consider yourself tagged.

I'm not sure if I feel more connected, centred or balanced after all that. But I've had some much needed time alone and my brain has had some fun, and as you now know, they're pretty important things in the world of an INFJ.

Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

I first heard Strayed speak about her Dear Sugar column at the Sydney Writer's Festival two years ago, so when her book of Tiny Beautiful Things turned up at work before Christmas I was instantly curious.

But it has been a slow read.

I find that I can only read a couple of letters and responses at a time. The dramas and emotions and complications of other people's lives often overwhelms me.

Other times, I'm the one already feeling overwhelmed by complications and the emotions in my own life, so I read a couple of her columns & I somehow feel soothed and understood.
Even if the problems under discussion have nothing to do with me, there will be one phrase, or maybe one of Strayed's comforting hard truths, that hits home & heals.

Strayed is like an old, trusted friend. A survivor - tough but loving.
She's there for you, but she's not going to blow smoke up your butt! She throws your words back at you, she makes you face what you already know & then she tells you it's time to get moving. She adds validity & perspective to most of her advice columns with stories about her own life. She also tells you it's okay to feel the way you do, but not to wallow.

Her wisdom resides in honesty, openness & loving kindness. Some of her words are hard to hear. Some of her personal stories are even harder to hear. They can shock and confront. But she also touches your soul with her generous humanity & integrity.

Strayed's credo's of acceptance, responsibility, truthfulness and ethical living are all good and worthy things to be reminded of regularly.
She also reminds us that it is the small, tiny things that can make a difference and that beauty can be found in the most unlikely of places & situations.

Tiny Beautiful Things is a book to be dipped into and out of as your situation requires, whenever you feel alone and need to be connected to the human race again, for inspiration or comfort.

Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman PhD

I first came across Sarah Edelman's Change Your Thinking ten years ago.

I was in my mid 30's and trying to come to terms with my adult life.

I'd tackled the issues of my childhood & and seeing my parents as fellow human beings on their own life journey doing the best they can.
I had settled into a satisfying, although very demanding, career.
I'd taken steps to ensure fiscal security - I minimised 'bad' debt, shored up my Super, took up insurance options, purchased a home.
I began to take better care of myself & I actively sought a happier work/life balance.

The thing that I felt eluded me though was good mental health and intimate relationships.

At the time, Sarah's book was instrumental in changing the way I viewed my life. Sarah actually helped me to change the way I thought about my life which resulted in some amazing transformations for me.

At the time, I was big on 'shoulds'.

"I should do this...."
"I should be more like that..."
"I have to go here, do that..."
"I shouldn't be in this situation..."

All these shoulds made me feel guilty when I didn't do them. They made me feel pressured to get them done and instead of feeling good if I did actually achieved one, I simply added more future shoulds to the list!
I was very hard on myself. I didn't really like myself and I felt totally unloveable.

Changing the way I thought about myself and changing the way I lived my life didn't just happen thanks to one reading of this book.
It was a gradual process.
Other significant events along the way also pushed me to the next level of personal understanding & development.
But Change Your Thinking played a significant role.

It allowed me to view these other significant events as positive events...even the not so good ones. It gave me the tools to practice more flexible thinking. It helped me to see the things I could change as opposed to getting stuck on the things I couldn't. It taught me about acceptance. It taught me about letting go.

I was delighted last year to learn that Sarah does regular courses of her Change Your Thinking program through the Sydney Uni Centre for Continuing Education.

I felt it was time to refresh & consolidate my understanding of her key concepts.

The latest edition of her book now includes a section on mindfulness and meditation. She uses these two processes to enhance flexible thinking.

The interesting thing for me as I did Sarah's course, was seeing just how much growth I have achieved over the past ten years. And how many of her thinking tools I now use on a regularly basis as a matter of habit.

I have found both Sarah's book and her course to be invaluable personal development tools.
They're easy to understand and mostly easy to implement.
The hard part is maintaining them!